Without Resolution

Each year, the only resolution I make is to not make a resolution. I feel that resolutions are a little trite, and making them generally just sets you up for failure. Over the years, I do have a pattern that I do follow. I have a prayer for the coming year. Depending on how this blog turns out, there may be a prayer yet to come. I'm just winging it...oh wait, that's what I always do when it comes to writing. Open computer, start typing. I don't exactly, put together outlines or thoughts. It's more stream of consciousness than anything. So I'm sitting here with a stuffy head and a swollen throat. Way to ring in the New Year, I grumble...and then, I think. Hmmm. That's weird. I want my head to be stuffy...with the Word of the Lord. I want my throat to be swollen from speaking His words. I want to ache all over for His righteousness. I want to be desperate to blow out of my own self will and to drink in the Holy Spirit. Out with the virus of self control and in with the vitamins of the Fruits of the Spirit. Only my mind would correlate God and a cold. In the old days, I would apologize for my weirdness, but I am very confident that God made me this way. For what purpose? Who knows. I sure don't, but I don't care anymore!!

The word that God is breathing into my spirit is "present". In the past, I have over-thought every decision, over-analyzed each move, and tried to think 5 steps ahead. However, God has shown me, this is my way of trying to control. Even if I am praying over things, in a way that's control. Let me keep praying. Let me keep doing. Let me keep...I see you have probably noticed the possessive in those sentences. Me. Me. Me.

I am in no way saying we should not pray, we should not seek, and we should not ask. What I am saying, is that God showed me that I was trying to do it all. Works, even in His name, are still works. God is calling me to be present. To present my requests to Him, to talk to Him, and then, shut up and just exist in each moment. He doesn't want me running ahead. He doesn't want me lagging behind. He wants me right there, beside Him.

The supposition I was working under was that I WAS doing the right thing, but asking to follow God. However, He was telling me, follow me, always, but also, have faith, when you don't see me in front of you. Trust me and walk beside me. Beside??? Really??? What if I go in the wrong direction, what if I go left and you go right?? Beside? No. You go first, I will follow. He gently told me, no. Beside, for now. In this season. Listen well. Attune your ear to my words, and to my pacing. Be aware every moment. Be awake. Be present. It's a leap of faith to be present. To let go, and to just revel in each moment, minute by minute. It also requires the utmost God control. Allow Him full control over my body, soul, mind, spirit...and mouth!!

So, as I sit here as my natural body is fighting off this virus, my prayer is that my supernatural body fights off the virus of self-control.

Dear Lord, as I sit beside you, and lean against you, may your strength seep into the very marrow of my bones. Father God I ask that you meld your will to mine. I ask that you search me deeply, leave nothing overlooked. I give you full access into every part of me. If there is something that is impeding your ability to work fully in me, remove it. Bring it to my attention so that I may repent and draw closer to you. Holy Spirit, till the soil of my spirit, so that your Fruits grow and bloom in a bumper crop. Let me be good soil for your Word. Father God put a watchman on my lips so that the words that come our are Life giving. I ask, Jesus, that you permeate every part of me. I thank you for the work you have done in my life, and for the work you are doing. I look forward to looking backward at the end of the year to see how you have walked me through what is to come. I trust you and I know you love me and want only the very best for me. I ask that I accept with Joy whatever you have in store. In Jesus name I pray, amen.