Sorrow and Suffering

When I was growing up, one of my favorite books was "Hind's Feet On High Places." It is the story of Much Afraid who longs to be loved, even though she is fearful and distorted. She wants desperately to escape her Fearing relatives and go to the High Places with the Shepherd. She pushes her fears aside and allows True Love to be planted into her heart. Then, she is given two companions to help her on her way. Sorrow and Suffering. There are many lessons that Much Afraid must learn, before she is transformed. When I was a child, I identified with Much Afraid, not because I was fearful. It was because I longed so deeply to be loved, to be seen, blemishes and all, to have someone not shrink from my faults. As I have grown up, I have seen Sorrow and Suffering, and experienced their strong grip. Through those times, I knew that God loved me so much that He was training me to move to another level, or was testing my faith to see how much I truly trusted Him.

Tonight, I am very sad. It is a deep and abiding, still sadness. Not the kind that wails and shrieks, it's still and silent, but deeply and powerfully sad. I have missed the voice of My Shepherd. I don't seek Him out and I don't listen as much as I used to. I miss the Lover of My Soul.

Tonight as I sit here, my heart cries out to Him to come to my aid. My heart cries out in repentance for turning a deaf ear. My soul cries for His absolution and His love, which covers a multitude of sins. I know with one whisper He is there for me. He loves me. He shelters me. He will even guide me, if I shut up, step back and let Him lead me.

I am so weary. I know I am helpless against the tides that are trying to drown me, but I know that He is bigger than those currents. His love is deep enough to plunge me into the joy of His salvation. He is all I need. He is. I am. I am His.

Dearest, Sweetest, Jesus, look upon me tonight. See my heart. Feel my deep contrition for being so stubborn and stiff-necked. Forgive me. Revive me. Speak to me. Encourage me. Kindle the light of Faith that ever burns for you. Thank you for all you have given me, even the Sorrow and the Suffering, for I know you love me so much, you only want the very best for me. If I must go through trials, I know they are designed to glorify you. I am content in you.

Fashioned and made Magnificent by You.

Miss M.