Nobody wants to be Debbie Downer, least of all me. I am the funny one. I make everyone else laugh. I see humor in nearly every situation. If you are feeling blue, then you call me. I will make you laugh. If not at yourself, then at me. I tell the funniest stories of my own stupidity.
The problem comes when I am feeling blue. I have been so sad this Christmas. I was doing ok, until all my traditions were thrown out the window. As an adopted kid with no history, I have created it by having traditions. In an unstable world, they give me stability. This year, I didn't have one. Not a single one. It was horribly depressing. I felt so alone. I haven't shaken it either.
How do I reconcile my faith and my belief and anchor that Jesus is with me, and yet feel so alone? I think it's because when I start feeling emotional, I shut everything down. Which means that I also stop receiving from God too.
It's stupid. Sometimes I am stupid. Sometimes I am sad. I just have to be ok with it. Today, I am sad. Tomorrow will be better, I know it.
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