Tug-of-war

I am a hot mess right now.  Well, to be fair, it is more of a constant tug-of-war.  My mind is a whirlwind of thoughts.  What am I doing with my life? Where am I going? What? What?? WHAT????

It is the battle of my natural mind, and the constant reminding that God is in control and I don't have to to know "what".

That untamed heart is still reverting back to worrying about 1) money, 2) wasting my life, 3) a legacy and 4) the fact that I'm worrying about all these things.  It's a viscous cycle.  So, I have to tell myself to shut up!!!

God is the God of all, and if He can turn water into wine, and can have the oil and flour continue for months, then He can take care of us.

I strive to be obedient in all things, so if I am constantly focusing on what God wants from me, then how can I be wasting my life?  My legacy will be just that.  Obedience.

My counselor said that I sometimes I despised my own humanity - in other words, I never give myself a break.  I need to give myself a break.  I have been through a ton in the last year and it's OK to consider my options.

I've said it before, and I will say it again, the answer is WHO.  It's not what circumstances I am in, it's Who is in control.  Jesus.  It's not where I am going.  It's Who I am following.  Jesus.  It's Him.

So, I will pray for a spirit of Peace to infuse my heart and relax to know that the God of Universe, the same God who created the world, parted the red sea, fed a million plus people daily, brought Himself into the world, and raised Himself from the dead, He is on my side.  He is looking out for me.  He loves  me.  If God is for me, who can be against me??

Are you in a constant tug-of-war?  Let go.  Let God take control.  Allow the Holy Spirit to infuse you with His peace.  Be content in the place where you are.  Stop trying to skip ahead.  Enjoy the moment and the space God has provided you, right now.

Contentedly yours,

M.