The last time I posted on here, I was just weeks into a tragic situation that rocked my world. My sister's death was so shocking, it put my entire system into shock. I immediately went to a grief counselor. I knew that I could not deal with this on my own. My counselor was a good Christian woman who just listened to me cry (a lot) and listened to my hurt. She encouraged me. She pushed me, when pushing was needed and pulled me back, when I was just barreling through the process. I figured, if I cry it all out, then it's finished. Um. No. Only an idiot would think that...and sometimes I am that idiot!!
A year and a couple months out of all of it, this is what I can tell you. It is still awful. However, I can honestly say that I rejoice as well. Through this grieving process, I have come to know God better than I ever did. I understand His heart more than I ever did. I also had to come to the end of myself and talk about what is really "real" to me.
1. Does God love me, yes or no??
If the answer is yes, then question 2.
2. Does God want the very best for me, yes or no??
Yes, He does. If that is true, then what I am experiencing must be for my good and the best for me.
(Record scratching to a halt!) Say what? How can you tell me my sister's murder is for the best??? How can you tell me that it is for my good???
3. If God loves me, and wants my best, isn't it also true that He felt the same way about Leslie??
No, no. You see, how could that be good??? Well, it all comes down to the definition of good. We tend to think of good as something we want. God is more concerned for the good of our souls. Present day trials are things He uses to refine us and prepare us for eternity.
It's easy to say, but much harder to live. Here is what I know.
God loves my sister. Her death, horrific as it was, gave her space to run to Him. God loves me. He used her death to deal with things that were WAY down deep in my soul. So deep, that I didn't know they were there.
In the past, I felt that when God was dealing with things, it was really painful. I now know it was only painful, because I wouldn't let go. (Sure, God take it away...oh wait, I'm still holding on? Weird. Take it. Huh? I am gripping it harder than an item 90% off at Williams Sonoma??, and this goes on and on.)
During the healing process, I didn't struggle once. I just kinda laid there like some mushy lump of tears and weariness and you know what? God said, "This thing here, it must go." and I said, "Ok". End of story. He just skimmed things right off the top of my heart and soul. Easy Peasy.
So, God transformed me with His Comfort and His Love and I never felt a thing. I emerged from the cocoon of grief, stronger, happier, more sure of who God is, and His love for me.
I encourage you, if you are in your own world rocking situation, to remember that in the most horrible circumstances comes Good. Allow the Holy Spirit to move in and through you unimpeded. Enjoy the feeling of God's arms around you, and His gentle brushing away of old things and the healing of old wounds. God is more than enough for anything you are facing.
Yours in encouragement,
Miss Magnificent
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