The winter of my discontent

 I skipped yesterday because I had an interview and today got the call that I have a second interview next week.  I am happy but also a little miffed at myself.  I have never gotten the hang of "just being".  

Part of me thinks it's because I have this disconnected feeling about living here in Denver.  We might stay or we might go.  This has kept me from getting involved.

If I were in Oklahoma and not working, I would be out having lunches with friends.  I would have all my stuff around me and be able to do my hobbies a little better.  Ok, I can cross-stitch here, if not for my bum wrist.

I have made a couple friends here, and I am thankful for them.  They are awesome friends.  I just don't have a way to spend my time.  I could be writing the great American novel.  I have been so sick the last month.  It's crazy.

I wish I had a better handle on just existing.  I have found myself complaining or wishing I could be doing something else, when I  BEGGED God for a break a few months ago.  He gave it to me, and yet, I have been dissatisfied.  What is wrong with me that I can't just "be"?

I don't have that gene to relax.  I wish I had that gene. I think I would be a lot more content.

My prayer is that I can learn to rest in God, and not worry about the future, and to just exist in the moment and not analyze what the moment means, or where it is heading.